Don't Piss Off Cake Man
“The Cake Man will come and he will spank you if you don’t try his cake. The Cake Man has really big hands. Don’t you want to try the cake?”
Big muscle man comes in with his little boy. He’s also with his hot chick. This part always surprises me. Instead of sitting at the bar, next to me, to protect the hot chick and the boy from scary me, he allows hot chick the only bar stool next to me. I’m quietly watching the game and enjoying my adult beverage.
They order some drinks and a meal and the salad bar.
If a man were heading to the bar wouldn’t he put himself between his boy and his hot chick and scary me? I would.
Instead he puts himself between his boy and his hot chick.
They go to the salad bar and come back. But as soon as he has to take his boy to the restroom (because what young boy doesn’t have to immediately go to the restroom at a restaurant) she starts talking it up with me. I’m just drinking my drink and watching the game. But she’s talking to me so I have to talk back.
When giant boyfriend comes back she explains “Hi Gigantour, we were just discussing our mutual love for chili.” I continue to enjoy my beverage and watch the game. He continues to ignore my existence.
As she devours the salad I overhear her tell him how she’s all about the health and the working out.
When she’s finished she orders a cheese cake the size of a cinder block.
“Can I get that with blackberry sauce?”
“You sure can.”
“Does it come with whipped cream?”
“If you want it to!”
The berry and cream covered cinder block arrives and she chips away at it like a stone mason. Gigantour wants nothing to do with it. His sleeveless shirt gives visibility to a network of stretch marks, the result of his decision to grow tree trunks out of his shoulders.
But he offers some to the boy. Oddly enough the boy doesn’t dare try it. Apparently he’s not used to deserts looking like bright colored building materials.
And for reasons I still can’t fathom, Dad begins to tell the boy about cake man. Cake man will be upset. Cake man will spank you. Cake man is coming with his big cake man hands.
Double you tee eff?
The petrified boy, well nigh to hysteria, eventually tries a small sample of the block-o-cheesecake thereby holding Cake Man at bay. Hot chick chisels away at the rest.
They pay their bill and leave.
I can only order another beverage.
Big muscle man comes in with his little boy. He’s also with his hot chick. This part always surprises me. Instead of sitting at the bar, next to me, to protect the hot chick and the boy from scary me, he allows hot chick the only bar stool next to me. I’m quietly watching the game and enjoying my adult beverage.
They order some drinks and a meal and the salad bar.
If a man were heading to the bar wouldn’t he put himself between his boy and his hot chick and scary me? I would.
Instead he puts himself between his boy and his hot chick.
They go to the salad bar and come back. But as soon as he has to take his boy to the restroom (because what young boy doesn’t have to immediately go to the restroom at a restaurant) she starts talking it up with me. I’m just drinking my drink and watching the game. But she’s talking to me so I have to talk back.
When giant boyfriend comes back she explains “Hi Gigantour, we were just discussing our mutual love for chili.” I continue to enjoy my beverage and watch the game. He continues to ignore my existence.
As she devours the salad I overhear her tell him how she’s all about the health and the working out.
When she’s finished she orders a cheese cake the size of a cinder block.
“Can I get that with blackberry sauce?”
“You sure can.”
“Does it come with whipped cream?”
“If you want it to!”
The berry and cream covered cinder block arrives and she chips away at it like a stone mason. Gigantour wants nothing to do with it. His sleeveless shirt gives visibility to a network of stretch marks, the result of his decision to grow tree trunks out of his shoulders.
But he offers some to the boy. Oddly enough the boy doesn’t dare try it. Apparently he’s not used to deserts looking like bright colored building materials.
And for reasons I still can’t fathom, Dad begins to tell the boy about cake man. Cake man will be upset. Cake man will spank you. Cake man is coming with his big cake man hands.
Double you tee eff?
The petrified boy, well nigh to hysteria, eventually tries a small sample of the block-o-cheesecake thereby holding Cake Man at bay. Hot chick chisels away at the rest.
They pay their bill and leave.
I can only order another beverage.
posted by Mark at 10:44 PM
1 Comments:
doh!
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